i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
