Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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