I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
