just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
