That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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