I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
