You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
