Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
