This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
