You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
