im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
