When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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