come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can you come over?
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.