laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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