im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
