What did we do last night that was yellow?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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