Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
