We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
