there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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