If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
