White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
