Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
