just come out here and I will go home with you...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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