Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I understand Curling. That high.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
