If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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