absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it because I queefed?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
