ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
