My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
