Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
