Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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