The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
