How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
