We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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