The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
