She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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