Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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