oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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