What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
