what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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