I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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