omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
