I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
