I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize