Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
