So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
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on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
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I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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