you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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