I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..