Whod you bang
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?