I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?