I'm going to jail i love you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
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I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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