he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
