i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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