You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
