I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize