happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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