Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We are all done wearing pants today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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