he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
