there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
