I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have feelings that need drinking.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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