I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you have feelings for this penis?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
