Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
