Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
