tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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