i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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