I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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