All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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