I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
time to smoke my breakfast
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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