And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
